Inside My Head

Going to the beach tomorrow.

I’m so nervous about having to eat in front of everyone, that I don’t think I will be able to eat much…

;)

Well, day three was a MAJOR flop.  I ate about 1000 calories. I also burned 500 exercising, but it’s still AWeFUL

Today I’m sticking with day 4, but I already ate 400 calories so I’m just exercising alllll day. I’m also pretty busy today (I’m going shopping…which will be about 2.5 hours away from food and then I have to type two papers and study for FIVE finals :() 

I should be distracted from food, so that’s good. I realllllllllyyyyy need to get to 119. I’m excited to get there! I can do it!!

Alright. Day Three. Scary. I just have to stop thinking about it!! I’m really going to try and spread my food out. I might have snack at 3:30, but I’m not gonna have dinner at 5:30 then. I’ll have it at 6:30-7:00. I’m also going to eat REALLY slowly! Today the only thing that I can really eat slow is the yogurt, and I have full intentions of making it last about an hour! I  can do this. I will be skinny. 

LIMIT: 300

Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Apple (80)
Snack:  Greek Yogurt (140)
Dinner: 2 Egg Whites with onions and olive oil (60)

So, I did it yesterday! I did day one and didn’t fail!! Today is going to be even harder, but I feel like I  can do it :)

For school we are going to Cici’s Pizza, which is gross hell. I doubt I will want to eat anything, and if I do, it will just be some salad. 

Limit 500

Breakfast: Apple (80), Cereal (100)

Lunch: Salad (20)

Snack: Hummus (70), Pretzels (200), Chocolate Chips (20) 

Dinner: Smallest Portion Possible 

Right now I’m at 490. I thought I went over. PHEW. I have 10 calories left for dinner. I can do this :) 

Dinner killed me! My mom set aside some pasta for me, so I had to eat it. I also ended up eating 1 TBSP of coleslaw, which tasted terrible. I think I’m at about 650. I still want to count that as day 2 because I exercised and burned 250-300 calories walking, running, and dancing. 

Tomorrow I’m going to workout a LOT. I’m pretty nervous about only 300 calories. EEK- But I HAVE to do it! The last time I got past day 3 I lost 5 pounds!!

You want me to pay 100 fucking dollars for a dinner and dance that I AM NOT GOING TO??? Out of your fucking mind. Yes, I don’t care if everyone else has to pay 7 dollars more. Not thirty. SEVEN. can the school really not pay 7 dollars more for each person? 

Re-fucking-diculous 

It’s your fault you didn’t ask who was going to go before dividing the payment out. Seriously. 

I don’t want to go to some stupid spring formal. 

I’m not going to prom either. 

I will not fucking fail. 

If I’m skinny my mom will love me. I know it. I need to be skinny; I’m such a disappointment.

Sooo….

Limit 500

Breakfast: Black Tea √
Lunch: water √
Snack: apple or nothing  Ice cream (230), Pretzels (150), Hummus (70) 
Dinner: smallest portions of whatever it is. √ Raviollis (50), Sauce (10), Salad (2)

TOTAL:: 522

I’m fine with that, really. I mean. It is the first day and I can burn off 20 calories in a sinch. I would have eaten less sauce, but my mom was watching me today…I ate as little as I possibly could without question. Honestly, I’m pretty full. 

I’m going to work on some homework, then workout a little. Maybe run for 10 minutes and play basketball + walk around a lot. 

Gotta keep drinking a lot of water- it really helps!!

Excited. 

I’m gonna fucking lose weight.

I AM I AM I AM